Next I stepped on the scale. And despite all of my grandiose statements yesterday concerning the mindset I would keep as I approached that wretched machine today, they all went out the window as I looked down to read my new number. I always step on the scale two times and this morning the number was the same both times. One pound weight loss. Not zero, but still terrible. I couldn't believe I was reading that as I thought the low number weeks were now far behind me with my new crossfit regimen.
Then I was off to crossfit. No tears on the way to the gym this week. However, when I arrived and said hello to my trainer it was then a quick stride into the bathroom to cry it out for about one minute. This of course, made me look even better now with a swollen eye and very red face and blood shot eyes from crying. I came a little short of making it through the warm up due to the WOD (workout of the day) that was scheduled today and time needed to complete it. For the first time since I started, this WOD was broken up into four different levels of difficulty. Since I knew that I would be going back to crossfit tonight for kick boxing, I stayed with the beginner level. Four hundred meters on the rowing machine, twenty five pull ups, fifty push ups, seventy five squats and then another four hundred meters would be my circuit. After finishing a full eight minutes before anyone else whom all had decided to work at the harder levels, I went on to work on the rowing machine for an additional 1200 meters.
As I was walking out the door, the trainer asked me how my weight loss was for the day as he knew it was my day to weigh in. I looked at him with all my strength in order not to have a meltdown and said, "One pound". He gave and encouraging smile and said, "That is OK. Keep of the good work.". Before I had another moment to think, I looked back at him and said, "That is terrible" and then burst into tears all over again. Poor guy. I am sure that his list of fun stuff to do today did not include the blubbering's of a middle aged woman and her pathetic story of a one pound weight loss. Yet I didn't stop, I continued to share how a person of my size should be able to just get up off the couch and walk around the block one time per day to achieve a one pound weight loss in a week. He said some good things back to me that helped even though I can't remember exactly what they were and finished with "You are an inspiration to everyone here and I really mean that". At the moment, I decided then to get over myself and keep moving along even though I had imagined better.
I did make it back to the gym for the kick boxing class this evening. I really enjoyed it. It is very challenging as crossfit is only in a different way. There was no hitting on the fake man this evening, only the punching bag. We also did a bigger variety of moves than what I had experienced on Saturday. I like that I have a new variety of activity added to my workout and look forward to being there again on Saturday.
So as another week comes to a close, I look toward this next week with great expectation of change in me mentally and emotionally. I will not quit as I told the trainer today. However, I look to greater result next week as I continue on my journey. And hopefully, this will be the one and only week for the loneliest number.