As I was getting ready this morning, my five year old asked, "How much weight have you lost mama?". I said, "Seventeen pounds so far, hon.". His response, "Wow!" and you think the next thing he is going to say will be really great when instead it was, "You are still really fat mama. How many more exercises are you going to have to do before you are skinny?". Of course, I wasn't mad at him and just answered, "I don't know, hon". After all, he is speaking the truth.
Soon after that, my three year old daughter entered the bathroom as I was finishing putting on my makeup. "Mama," she said. "You are fat." Lovely! The hits just keep coming!! I wasn't angry with her either and just said, "I know, but mama is trying to get better". Forget that my jeans were really loose on me today or that I was able to wear a shirt to church this morning that hadn't fit in a really long time. No!! I am still just the fat mama.
If you have never met my children, I am sure you might be thinking, "Wow! Poor Karen is surrounded by bratty children". However, would you like to know the very first time any of my children ever even used the word "fat" to describe me? It was after I made the decision to lose weight and become healthy a little over six weeks ago. Before then, not a word about being fat, looking fat, why are you fat?, none of that. In fact, since that had been absent from their vocabulary, my hope was that I would lose all of my weight before they even realized that about me. So much for that!!
The next round of bad news came after I arrived home from church in the form of an email. Someone accused me doing something wrong that I did not do. The worst part about the whole ordeal as it has a direct relationship to my family's monthly income.
And finally, as the icing on the cake, I was deeply saddened to hear that one of my dear friends was treated terribly today by some of her so called friends. The best thing I could do was say "I'm sorry" over and over again as I heard her heartbreak.
Circumstances like these no longer put me in the place of wanting to give up and quit. However, I still find myself in the place of "let me go and get a Turtle Mocha at Caribou to calm my nerves". Or "those Little Debbie Nutty Bars should would be good right about now". Or to the complete and entire other extreme of "Why can't there be a kick boxing class today so I can beat up on that fake man?", which makes me sound like a rather violent person. And then my mind goes to places like, "if I am that unstable, how will I ever achieve anything?".
Fortunately, I know where all of these negative thoughts originate. I also know that through the words I speak I change my thought pattern immediately. I wish the negative thoughts would never happen to begin with. However, my pastor even spoke this morning about how everyone battles, especially in moments of weakness, with thoughts that are not the truth of what God says. That is why the Bible says we are to take our thoughts captive and obedient to the knowledge of Christ. We all struggle. It is how we handle that struggle that will determine success or failure.
2 Corinthians 10:5 (New International Version) - We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
***Thought some of you might be curious to see what crossfit is like. The people at my crossfit are not as cut as the people in this video, but it gives you an idea of what goes on there.