The Job that Gets Me to My Dream

A few years ago, I was visting my friend, Glenn, in Nashville, TN.  We went to eat dinner at a local restaurant.  The server was about 25 years old and after she took our order my friend, Glenn, asked her what she did.  I thought the questions was rather odd because, hello, she just took our order.  She is a server that is what she does.  However, her answer was, "I write music.  However, this is the job I have until that takes off."  When she walked away, Glenn informed me that was how most everyone was in Nashville.  They were there, like him, to follow their dreams and be in the music industry, but right now they were doing the job that gets to the dream.

I actually haven't thought about this Nashville phenomenon until about a week or so ago.  And then I realized how I have become like that server now that I have changed my mindset toward my health and weight loss.  Right now I am the girl who wanted to be on the The Biggest Loser, failed and is now taking a different road to health.  However, on the inside, I am the inshape, fit and healthy gal worthy to pose for Fitness Magazine (this is, if Fitness Magazine takes models under 5'4").  Today I am doing the job that gets me to my dream.

My friend, Glenn, still lives in Nashville.  When we had that dinner about 14 years ago, he was working at Dillard's Department Store in Nashville.  What did he do before that?  He worked at Belk Department Store in Statesboro, GA.  Not a huge step up.  However, what does Glenn do now?  Glenn works for BMI in Nashville.  And what do they do?  The most accurate version according to Wikipedia is:

• Broadcast Music, Inc. (BMI) is one of three United States performing rights organizations, along with ASCAP and SESAC. It collects license fees on behalf of songwriters, composers, and music publishers and distributes them as royalties to those members whose works have been performed. In 2009, BMI collected over $905 million in licensing fees and distributed $788 million in royalties.
• BMI songwriters create all forms of music in all genres. BMI represents artists such as Mariah Carey, Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift, Eminem, Rihanna and Shakira; bands including Maroon 5, Evanescence, Nickelback, Linkin Park and Lady Antebellum; legends such as Sam Cooke, Willie Nelson, Fats Domino and Dolly Parton; as well as composers such as Harry Gregson-Williams, John Williams and Danny Elfman and musical songwriters Richard & Robert Sherman.

Glenn works in the music industry just as he set out to do.  He changed his direction and did the job that got him to his dream.

Fortunately, I don't have to move to another state to help me to achieve my dream.  All I have to do is make healthy eating choices and get up off myself daily to make it to CrossFit.  Will I end up on the cover of Fitness Magazine?  Most likely, not.  However, I am fine with that.  I just want to be cover worthy and healthy.  And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this girl can do that as I work each day to get me to my dream.

Isaiah 40:31 (New International Version) -  but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

The Game of Life

As some of you may have noticed, no blogging on Monday.  No blogging on Tuesday.  You may also remember that blogging daily was one of the "goals" listed just last week and already that one seems to be falling to the wayside just as CrossFit has not happened four days per week as I had planned either.

What is my problem?  Well, if I were to list all of the circumstances that have gotten in my way this last week, you would probably find the list was similar to things that happen on a regular basis in other peoples lives.  Other people, who like me, are trying there best to do better, make healthy changes for themselves or meet goals that they set out to do in this new year.

So instead of whining and crying and carrying on about my four kids and what happened this week with them or telling you all about the trials of being a one car family or reiterating all of life's problems that have gotten in my way again, I will spare you.  After all, millions of people have kids.  Many people do just fine only having one car.  Some do just fine having no car at all.  And all of us have challenges and circumstances that face us everyday.

What I will tell you is that today, I am happy.  I am happy that I am getting to write my blog for the first time this week and didn't have to wait another day.  Happy that I am starting to take notice again about what I am eating and making better choices daily.  Happy that I have so many friends that care about me and cheer me on daily, even when I don't make me goals. 

Yes, there are still times during the day and week that I am not my best and I have a rotten attitude.  I have had two people in the last week talk about watching the The Biggest Loser and both times I have cringed and resented all of the whiners they choose for the show instead of choosing a non-whiner like me.  "Why not me?!?", I would think sometimes to myself and other times outloud.  I wouldn't cry and complain about all of the things to better myself they would want me to do.  I would get up everyday happy to be there and have the opportunity to get healthy and in shape without having to deal with four screaming children, one car, a sick husband and the nine million other things thrown my way each day that get in the way of my goals.  Yet instead, I get the "priviledge" of dealing with all of my at home challenges and no "ranch" to rescue me from the game of life.  And incase I wasn't clear in all of what I just said, no, I am not watching The Biggest Loser this season.

So as you can see, moments of negativity and pouting.  However, overall I am moving on.  There is nothing I can do about not being chosen for The Biggest Loser and missing out on that opportunity.  I did what I could do to get on the show and that is all I am responsible for.  And since I wasn't chosen, I am now responsible for figuring out how to get healthy and in shape on my own at home.

I know that I can do that.  Probably not in twelve weeks like the contestants on the show, but I can do it.  Other people have done it.  Just like other people have four kids are a one car family and deal with many of life's problems on a daily basis.  And fotunately for me, God does not show favoritism (Romans 2:11, New Living Translation).  What He has done for others, He will do for me too. 

So here I go, keeping on, trying to meet my goals daily.  Will I be back again tomorrow to blog?  I plan too.  Is CrossFit in my future?  Absolutely.  However, if life gets in the way and things don't turn out how I planned, I won't give up, but for look for the next opportunity I have to succeed.

Proverbs 15:22 (The Message) - Refuse good advice and watch your plans fail; take good counsel and watch them succeed.

Picture Perfect

Well, I must admit that this day is yet another "not part of my plan" days this week.  After getting up with my 18 month old several times last night, when the alarm went off at 5:10 this morning my body said, "there is no way we are going to a 6 a.m. workout this morning".  I put up little fight as I recognized how tired I was and also thinking on how sick my husband has been.  I felt that sleep might be just what I needed to avoid becoming sick myself.  So I guess this will add up to another round on the elliptical instead of actually making it to CrossFit as I have planned.  However, unlike the other days this week where I have failed at being able to keep my plan together, today I was fine with the alternative because I am working to be better even though it isn't the perfect scenario.

As I mentioned to one of my friend's last night who commented on my blog, being absolutely perfect with every change I have tried to make has been an all or nothing deal in the past.  I have either done everything exactly to the letter or thrown everything out the window when failure came just waiting for a new day to start and try again.  But that mentality has always brought discouragement in the past, which eventually led to giving up completely. 

Therefore, this time I have decided to take on a new approach.  If I have a glitch during the day, I put it behind me and move forward.  If I pick up a piece of candy and toss it in my mouth without realizing it because I have had that as a habit for so very long, I don't let it ruin my day.  If I cannot make it to CrossFit and have to settle for the elliptical instead, that is OK.  I am still getting in a workout even if it isn't an "extreme" workout with weights and rowing machines.

Why the change?  Because I know the all or nothing, I have to be 100%, perfect approach in the past has failed over and over.  Benjamin Franklin said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results".  And isn't that true?  Why should I expect to succeed when I am doing the thing that has failed me over and over.

Last week, Don Colbert, MD posted to his facebook page a very interesting fact.  He said that over the period of a year the body will rejuvinate 95% of its cells.  When I read that, I thought about how that means if I eat right and exercise over the next year, I will practically be a new person from whom I am today.  I will literally have the opportunity to take off the old and put on the new!  How exciting!!  I don't have to wait years or decades, just one year of being consistent and doing the right thing for my body each day.  And that will be the best 40th birthday present I can give to myself!

So today as I get on my elliptical and make good food choices, I think about me in a year and how much better I will feel and live.  Sure, that it isn't the exact "plan" that I made for the week.  And, yes, I should have plans and do my best to stick with them.  However, when I come upon speed bumps or hit that pot hole at 65 miles an hour, I keep going knowing that I am changing even if how I am going about it at the moment isn't picture perfect.

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version) - For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Back in the Saddle Again

When Gene Autry cowrote "Back in the Saddle Again" with Ray Whitley in 1939, I am quite confident they never envisioned their song being used as a title for a blog because after all, there were no blogs in the 1930's.  However, since Mr. Autry was a man who worked hard to succeed, I am thinking that he might forgive me as I work to succeed at my goals.

On the outside today, most everything in my life was similar to yesterday.  Just keeping the status quo.  Husband still hasn't bounced back 100%.  CrossFit had to be put on hold one more day.  And while I am down to one can of Mountain Dew per day, they still have not been eliminated completely from my intake. 

Like I said, the status quo.  Quite possibly the two most defeating words in the English dictionary.  The good news is that I am no worse off than I was yesterday - well maybe.  I did mention that I am still drinking the Mountain Dew with 48 grams of sugar per can right?  The bad news is that you aren't any better off either.  Who was it that said, "If you aren't moving forward, you're moving backwards."?

However, where the status quo changed for me today and how I can dub this "Back in the Saddle Again" day is because I made the choice to change my mindset.  I started thinking on my goals and how I can and will acheive them.  I looked down at my ring finger today (that currently holds another ring besides my wedding ring) and thought, "Soon. Very soon, my pretty diamond will back on you!".  I pictured myself riding the SpongeBob SquarePants Rock Bottom Plunge at the Mall of America with my son.  I visualized pulling out my juicer and mixing up a fruit and vegetable concoction that I would love.

Yes, I have thoughts like all of these before.  Yet with the constant defeat of "my plan" daily this week as well as my 10 lb weight gain accompanied with years and years of being beat at the weight loss and healthy living game, many days it has been hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Am I declaring the end of all unhealthy thoughts that seem to bombard me daily?  No.  I know that that the thoughts will come.  It's how I combat the thoughts.  As Edmond Dantes said in one of my favorite movies, The Count of Monte Cristo, "Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine!".

So I am back up on my horse, back in the saddle again.   Tomorrow's docket - 6 a.m. CrossFit.  And since my body has had a break since Monday's CrossFit workout, other than some eliptical time at home, I am quite confident I will shatter it!
Psalm 91
The Message (MSG)

   You who sit down in the High God's presence, spend the night in Shaddai's shadow,
   Say this: "God, you're my refuge.
      I trust in you and I'm safe!"
   That's right—he rescues you from hidden traps,
      shields you from deadly hazards.
   His huge outstretched arms protect you—
      under them you're perfectly safe;
      his arms fend off all harm.
   Fear nothing—not wild wolves in the night,
      not flying arrows in the day,
   Not disease that prowls through the darkness,
      not disaster that erupts at high noon.
   Even though others succumb all around,
      drop like flies right and left,
      no harm will even graze you.
   You'll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance,
      watch the wicked turn into corpses.
   Yes, because God's your refuge,
      the High God your very own home,
   Evil can't get close to you,
      harm can't get through the door.
   He ordered his angels
      to guard you wherever you go.
   If you stumble, they'll catch you;
      their job is to keep you from falling.
   You'll walk unharmed among lions and snakes,
      and kick young lions and serpents from the path.

 "If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God,
      "I'll get you out of any trouble.
   I'll give you the best of care
      if you'll only get to know and trust me.
   Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times;
      I'll rescue you, then throw you a party.
   I'll give you a long life,
      give you a long drink of salvation!"

My name is Karen and I am an Eater

Why?  Why does it always seem that when you start out to do something really great for yourself before you know it, it seems all is on a collision course for disaster?

Two days ago, I listed some really great goals for myself this year.  And even though the goals are challenging and will take work, I know they are all doable.  I know I can lose 100 lbs in a year.  I know I can choose to eat right.  I know that I can make healthiness a habit and not something foreign or abnormal to my daily routine.

Yet I woke up to a very sick husband yet again today, which means no help with children.  Which then means: no opportunity to go to my CrossFit class, less of an opportunity to prepare meals that I am not used to making, and more of an opportunity to make excuses and be in a terrible mood because I have failed to meet my goals once again. 

Several weeks ago, I started a new office job.  It has been a little over five years since I have worked outside the home and over eight years since I have worked in an office.  On the first day of work, I sat across from a lady who very politely asked me if I smoked when it was time for her to go and take her break as she was going to invite me go along.  "No, I am not.", I said back to her nicely.  However, in my mind I thought, "No, I am not.  I am an eater."

I know this is no revelation.  All you have to do is look at me and you will know that I like to eat.  However, this time when I thought it, I realized that it was part of my identity.  I like to eat.  In fact, I love to eat.  There is no lack of good foods out there to consume.  I wish I was one of the people in the world that just eats when they are hungry.  Or even someone who doesn't really like to eat at all and only eats in order to survive.  However, I am not.  I am an eater.

And as I considered this more and more, I wondered - Will this EVER change?  Is it a change that I can make in me?  Or is there some portion of my brain that is wired this way and I will always be addicted to eating food?  Should I be checked into a hospital for treatment just as people who suffer with anorexia or bulimia do?  After all, I am killing myself very quietly and very slowly from being and remaining a morbidly obese woman.

In the last few years, I have heard news reports stating that some studies now indicate that obesity is a disease and not something that can be controlled.  However, on the other side of the coin there are doctors who won't even hardly take time to help overweight people because after all, the overweight person made themselves fat.  And as I consider both of these choices, I don't like either one of them.  Frankly, if I had to make a choice, I like the latter better because after all, I am the captian of my own ship.  But do I deserve to be treated as some sub-human because I have made bad choices over and over and can't seem to get control?

Unfortunately, I do not know the answers to all of my many questions.  Perhaps I will never change.  Perhaps I will always be a fat mama.  But perhaps I will.  Perhaps I will be thin and healthy and full of life for myself and my family.  And that is what I cling too.  The thought that one day I will be able to not think about food for 75% of my waking hours.  One day making the right choice regarding food will be my easiest choice of the day.  And one day, it will be my pleasure to head out the door and go run a 5K just for fun.  When?  I am not sure.  But stayed tuned because I believe I will find them.

Romans 8:31 (New American Standard Bible) - What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?

There is No Nice Name for this Day

well, just as the name of my post suggest, this was not the day i planned and am becoming even more frustrated now as i can only type on my blog in lowercase for some reason.  i listed all of these wonderful goals for my year yesterday and what happens?  i wake up to a very sick husband this morning who brought home a box of betty crocker cake mix last night, can i just say the last time we even had cake was back in june when my youngest turned one, and a missed workout this evening due to the sick husband who bought the cake mix, not to mention the mountain dew i consumed  today due to the caffeine headache that was coming on because of the addiction i have reestablised over the last several months.  yes ladies and gentlemen, not a pretty sight.  not the victorious woman of just yesterday.  yet my plan is to wake up tomorrow for my six oclock in the morning workout and do my best. good thing it wasnt a new years resolution after all because here i am failing on january third.  and because ny typing crisis of all lowercase is becoming more tha i can bare i will say goodnight and plan for a great report tomorrow evening accompanied by some uppercase letters for good measure.

Not Another Doomed Resolution

After a 109 day break and gaining back 10 of the pounds I worked so very hard to lose over the summer, I have returned with a new blog name and a renewed determination to finish what I started.  I am sure that as some just read that statement they are rolling their eyes.  Others are holding up both of their hands to form the letter "W" and mouthed the word "Whatever".  And perhaps a few of my most vocal followers just exclaimed, "Isn't weight loss the New Year's Resolution that everyone makes for themselves on January 1 and quit on January 2?".  However, despite what I have done or rather not done over the past 109 days, or what anyone thinks about me, I think it is more important to begin again than quit completely.

Will I make mistakes?  Yes!  Have I already had some on my first official day back?  Absolutely, some without even realizing it until later on.  Like this morning when I went to pull clothes out of my little girl's drawer and saw her Whoppers Christmas Stocking candy sitting there.  "Yum", I thought as I poured three of them out of the box and into my hand and then to my mouth thinking nothing about the empty calories I had just consumed.  In fact, I thought nothing of it at all until I was in my kitchen about five minutes after that making my baby a bottle.  I have grown so accustom to grabbing and shoving whatever, whenever into my mouth over the past few months, I didn't even realize the bad choice until after the fact!!!

Yet, I have also made some good choices today too.  I got up this morning and made it to my 6 a.m. CrossFit class for the first time since my kids went back to school in the fall.  I have made it to many of the evening classes.  However, going first thing in the morning and getting it behind me so nothing else gets in the way as my good friend, Julie Marier, told me to do is not something I have been putting into practice.  I had forgotten how good it feels to exercise in the morning and be energized throughout my day.

I am sure you can imagine that my restart today means a new list of goals.  And you would be right.  Don't get me wrong.  I believe that New Year's Resolutions are great.  However, I am not calling them "resolutions" because when these goals are met I will make new ones and if I fail at one or more, I don't plan on waiting until January 1, 2013 to start again.  So here you go, the moment you have been waiting for!

2012 Goals

• Blog Monday thru Friday because I have found without Blogging I have no accountability and pay little to no attention to what I am doing.
• Attend CrossFit and/or Kick Boxing classes four or more times per week.
• Eliminate all of the "junk" from my diet (you thought I was going to say " from my trunk" didn't you) e.g. Cokes (or pop for all my northern friends), chips, cookies, crackers, candy, etc.  For the most part, I know longer eat bread.  However, my maiden name is Wheat, so I am not sure if it is in my blood to give up all breads completely.
• Be aggressive enough in my diet and exercise to lose 100 lbs or more.  I know that I won't be a size 2 or size 4 for that matter by the end of the year.  However, I plan to be maximum of a size 14.  And for me, that is a whole lot better than where I am sitting today at a size 22.
• Be able to wear my wedding ring again!  That has not happened since 2005!!!
• Be small enough to ride on one of the roller coasters with my son at Mall of America.
• Not be totally embarrashed to wear a swim suit out in public and go swimming with my kids.

I realize that I am not perfect and I will not do everything right everyday.  However, I will do my best everyday.  And that is why I am back now - to not quit but to continue to move forward.  If you don't quit, you win!

Philippians 4:8 (The Message) - Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.