Run to Win: 100 lbs in 118 days

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Sit-ups, but NO Burpees - 45 days left

I literally laid in my bed this morning until 9:39 debating to either go to CrossFit today at 10:00 or just skip it.  I am still not feeling 100% and I feel that I have about 14,000 things that I need to complete before I go on my trip next Tuesday.  Yet since I won't have the same caliber of a workout while I am in Georgia, I knew that I need to be tough and go anyway.

I love the teaching style of the trainer on Saturday's.  She is fantastic!  Always encouraging and never doubting that I can't make it through all of the rounds.  I feel that I do better knowing that she expects me to be great instead of seeing me as someone who has a long road in front of her.  When I had to take a breather today toward the end of class in order to continue the kicks to the punching bag I said, "I am not quitting.  I just need a minute."  Her response, "I know".  The other girls on my team today also treated me as equal to their ability (even though I am not) and so I am encouraged when we are all working toward the common goal of the most cumulative reps in a 15 minute period.

Our WOD (workout of the day):

  • one team member runs for 100 meters - as this team member runs the other team members do one of the following counting each rep, after the 100 meters is completed we switch.  This goes on for 15 minutes.
  1. Sit-ups
  2. Medicine Ball Cleans
  3. Thrusters with a 45 lb bar
I am not sure what our final count was for anything other than the sit-ups because I both started and ended with that set with a total of 309.  I am happy to say that I know I contributed to at least 60 of those, which I was quite proud of considering this is only the second full week of full sit-ups for me.  I am also quite happy that I didn't feel like I was going to drop dead once we were through.

I have also been thinking about something else these past few days, which is probably why I wasn't in the "depths of despair", as Anne of Green Gables would say, after my zero pounds of weight loss this week.  I have lost 20 lbs in a little over 2 months.  My body is feeling different faster in these last few weeks than it did when I first started working out which gives me the impression that my weight loss will pick up here before too long.  However, even if it doesn't, at the rate I am going right now, I will have lost right around 100 lbs by May of next year if I don't quit.

Thinking on this fact alone somehow makes my goal a little more doable than it was when I first started.  I can actually see myself being thin now and not feel like it is something I am striving for, but will never achieve.  And each day that I think about this, it makes me more confident in what I am doing.  What a great feeling!!  I don't think I have ever been at this place before with all of my other weight loss endeavors.  I am hoping that this, along with persistence, will be the key to my success this go around.  But even if I find that this in particular is not the "answer" to all of my weight loss woes of the past, I will continue to do my very best.  I feel so very good compared to how I did when I first started it is literally like night and day.  I think now I would find it hard to quit knowing I feel this good with only 20 lbs marked off the list so far.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Tomato Soup - 46 days left

Last night as I was sitting her typing my blog, my one year old pulled the cover off the air vent on the floor right beside me in our kitchen.  As I leaned over to replace it, my rolling chair flipped out from underneath me and landed on my head.  As I hit the floor, my hip hit a tomato soup can that my baby had been playing with busting the can open and soup flying everywhere.  When my alarm went off this morning at 5 a.m. for me to get ready for CrossFit, the muscles in my lower back were sore due to the fall and my hip wasn't feeling that great either.  I shut the alarm off and went back to bed.  No really, I shut the alarm off and went back to bed.  I know some of you thought I was joking.  However, several hours later as I got up and started moving around, I found that my pain subsided enough to make it to the later class at 10 a.m. which fortunately worked with our schedule today.

Since this mornings 6 a.m.class was the first one I have missed since I started, there was speculation to why I didn't show up.  Remember the wall balls that I mentioned yesterday?  The trainer thought that I had become too sore after my "challenge" yesterday and didn't want to come back for more.  Well, I am glad that I did go back even though I was sore for different reasons.  Our WOD (workout of the day) helped me to work the sore muscles I did have and made getting around today much easier.

As an added bonus, this was my first class with all woman which mean no sweat dripping all over the floor.  I know you can appreciate that ladies.  And since it was all ladies and not all men as it has been on many days that I have gone, my playing field seemed to be evened out a little better, which means I didn't finish last.

I am hoping that tomorrow's class will be all kickboxing as Wednesday night was a kickboxing/crossfit mix.  I still have not made my 400 meters in 2 minutes this week on the rowing machine, but hopefully that will be done either tomorrow or Monday.  I could feel a big change in my body today.  My pants keep getting looser and I keep feeling better!  But don't worry, no one will be singing me the song "Pants on the Ground", I will just get new pants.  Ha! Ha!  Thank you for all of your encouragement!!!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

A Bigger Challenge - 47 days left

I still have not been feeling the best today.  However, I have done my best to get over it and do what I need to do including CrossFit.  Perhaps I should have shared my rather sad week with my instructor as I have with all of you because today, of all days, he decides I need more of a challenge during the WOD (workout of the day).

I can honestly say that today's WOD has been the easiest of the week.

  • 10 wall balls
  • 10 pull-ups
  • 7 rounds for time
At least, this is what I thought when I read the board before we got started.  When doing wall balls, I have consistently used a six pound medicine ball.  Last Saturday, I was a little more ambitious with it and used the eight pound medicine ball.  Today, not only did my instructor tell me to use the sixteen pound medicine ball when doing wall balls, but also to squat all the way down to the punching bag that was laying on it side.  Thus making my squat about six inches deeper than normal.  Did I mention that 10 x 7 = 70 wall balls total?

As I approach round three, I was already having to pause to catch my breath between each set of wall balls and pull-ups.  At round five, I started to feel a little nauseous.   By the end of round six, dizziness also started to set in and I felt that I was having to use all of my concentration to just hang on to the rings while doing my pull-ups and not fall backward onto the floor.  All I remember about round seven is thinking, "only 7 more, only 6 more, only 5 more,...".  Finally, in 23 minutes and 59 seconds, I was done.  And I wasn't the last one to finish!

Even though I didn't feel like going and certainly did not feel like doing wall balls with the 16 lb medicine ball, I am thankful that I made it through.  It helped me mentally because now I know I can handle more weight and also that I can handle challenges even when I am not feeling well.  Emotionally, it was worth it too as I was talking about going to CrossFit late this afternoon with my eight year old and he made the comment that my arms looked smaller.  With only a 20 lb weight loss so far and not really seeing a difference in myself when I look in the mirror each day, his comment really boosted my morale.  Three more classes until my trip down south.  I am hoping that I will be at 100% for all of them so I can really challenge myself as a final boost before I go.

2 Corinthians 13:9 (The Message) - We don't just put up with our limitations; we celebrate them, and then go on to celebrate every strength, every triumph of the truth in you. We pray hard that it will all come together in your lives. 

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Sick Day - 48 days left

I have not really felt well today. Yet since it is "weigh day" I felt that I couldn't leave everybody hanging until tomorrow to post, otherwise I would just skip today entirely.  So here's what you came looking for -

  • Total weeks weight loss - 0 lbs
  • Total weight loss since May 18 - 20 lbs
  • Karen's emotional state of mind concerning weight loss this week - I am totally fine with it believe it or not.  I know that I am feeling great and my pants are looser.  What more could a girl ask for?
  • Even though I am under the weather CrossFit did happen this morning and I will be back this evening for some kickboxing, which is quickly becoming my favorite.

I have also decided that I will NOT being weighing in next week while I am in Atlanta.  Since scales can vary, I will just wait until I return and weigh again on Thursday, August 11.

Thank you again for all of your continued prayers and support on my journey.  It HAS made a difference!!!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Gloom, Despair and Agony on Me - 49 days left

Last night was not a good night's sleep.  It needed to be due to all of the my exertion from both CrossFit and Kickboxing.  However, when you have children, it doesn't always go that way.  My five year old awoke from a bad dream about 2 a.m. and was apprehensive about going back to his own bed.  Once he went back to sleep, I was so very exhausted, I didn't have the energy to carry him.  Therefore, I decided I would just go and get in his bed in order to avoid being kicked and bumped for the duration of the evening.

As I awoke this morning, I realized the switching of the beds had been a mistake.  My body was not used to the the mattress and pillows that my son uses and my body had needed better.  To top things off, I was also sick.  I was so very pitiful as I fixed my kids breakfast.  I ate breakfast too thinking it would help the nausea to go away.  Unfortunately, it did not and within an hour I was laying in my bed dizzy trying my best to not throw up at any moment.

Then began the battlefield of the mind.  To go to CrossFit or not to go to CrossFit?  Yes, I physically wasn't up to it.  However, if I didn't go I also knew that I would mentally beat myself up the remainder of the day since this is my "last chance workout" before weigh day tomorrow.  I even thought about going to the class later on this evening.  Yet my concern with that was if I waited, then I would talk myself out of it and never end up going.  I decided the absolute worst thing that could happen was I get sick in class and have to leave.

So I bit the bullet and went.  Definitely not my best workout ever, but a workout.  The workout also contained burpees which I was not thrilled with.  Can I tell you that I still have the scab on my leg from the 50 burpees I did on Saturday? And of course, it would not be CrossFit if the wound did not open back up today as I did them and bleed all over again.  I am beginning to get the feeling that CrossFit is going to be a lot like softball was for me.  I really enjoyed softball.  It was my favorite sport growing up.  However, there was a lot of pain, bruises and scrapes.  So far, I have not had any bruises at CrossFit, but I wonder if that is only a matter of time.

Tomorrow is weigh day.  At this moment, I am just happy that I didn't die today in my workout since I was feeling bad, so I am really not worried about it.  One of my new friends at kickboxing last night suggested that I just stop weighing period and only look in the mirror.  Perhaps she is on to something.  Yet I think it is still a good thing to weigh.  I just need to not let it rule me.  I am still working on that one though.  However, my apprehension about it this week it at its lowest level ever and I plan to keep it that way.

Matthew 6:34 (New American Standard Bible) - “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Monday, July 25, 2011

6 a.m. Box Jumps - 50 days left

Box Jumps.  I have been attempting them since day one of CrossFit and still do not look forward to them each time they are assigned.  Yes, for me there really is no "jumping".  I am not able to jump at my current weight.  Box jumps are modified to more of a "box step-up", if you will, when I do them.  Similar to what was taught back when step aerobics was popular.  And like what was taught in step aerobics, I alternate my lead foot each round.

As I read my WOD (workout of the day) on the board today, I honestly didn't feel as though I would be overly challenged, especially after Saturday.  
  • 400 meters on rowing machine
  • Dips - as many as you can do before you need a break (this means about 10 for me)
  • Box Jumps or Steps for me - as many as you can do in 30 seconds (picture below)
The goal was to do as many rounds as possible in 20 minutes.  Based on the amount of time it takes me to go 400 meters on the rowing machine, I figured I should be able to do about five rounds with no problem.

I started out rowing at a pretty good pace.  It was about 20 seconds slower than what I have been doing to try and beat my time of 400 meters in 2 minutes, but still a good pace.  I then went and did my dips with no problem.  Afterwards it was off to box steps to complete my first round.  First step up fine.  Second step up fine.  On the third step up, I didn't quite step up high enough by which kicking the top edge of the box, stumbling over the top and jerking myself around trying not to land on one of the other boxes or people around me.  I did catch myself.  However, I also really scared myself.

Unfortunately, I am not stranger to falling.  In the past three years, I have fallen down the stairs at my house five times.  I have fallen off a sidewalk while putting things into my car and twisted my ankle terribly at an outdoor shopping center.  And I have also fallen on my front sidewalk at my house while NO snow was on the ground and no other obstruction present.  Each time I have hurt myself pretty good and one time I even required the use of crutches while I was healing.

So when I went flying over the top of the box this morning, not only did it not feel good, it also made all of my other "falling" memories flash into my mind.  I paused for about five seconds thinking I would just take my next step and move on, when I just psychologically lost it and walked away.  For the first time EVER since I began CrossFit, I had walked away from the WOD.  As I did, I began to cry.  Not only because I had just scared myself, but also because I was a failure at completing what I had set out to do.  My trainer came and checked on me to make sure that I was OK.  And I while I was a little hurt from all of my twisting around, mostly it was my feelings that were hurt more.  He encouraged me to just take a breath and keep going.  And so I did.  I only completed four rounds, but I didn't quit.

The first time I drove after getting my learners license I will never forget riding down the road and my dad telling me to turn into the next subdivision.  It was my first turn ever after going about 45 mph and I knew that I should slow down some before turning, but I didn't want to come to a complete stop either. I ended up turning into the subdivision at about 35 mph, our poor Dodge Caravan lifting off the ground somewhat before I slammed on the breaks and burst into tears.  After giving me a few moments to get over it, my dad had me turn the van around and drive back home.  He did it so my last memory of driving would not be the horrific turn I had made possibly hurting us both, but the memory of the better ride home and slower turn would be there instead.

That principle is why I decided not to quit today at CrossFit after my trainer encouraged me to keep going.  I needed to do more box steps to know that I could do them and remove the huge image of falling from the forefront of my mind.  Of course, I did them a little slower than I have in the past to make sure my foot was more than high enough to land on the top of the box.  And because of this, I ended up doing three additional rounds of the WOD instead of just one.  I was also able to go back to kickboxing this evening which I really enjoyed.  I felt like my punches were better than ever!  I also considered making a new goal today for CrossFit which will be to go one week without crying while I am there. :)

Today I learned that the real tragedy was not tripping over the box.  The tragedy would have been if I wouldn't have kept going.  And because I kept going, I not only completed my WOD. I acted like a champion.

CrossFit Motto

Box Jumps


Sunday, July 24, 2011

More - 51 days left

I realize that I am only a little more than 10 weeks into my new healthy way of living, incorporating nutritious eating with vigorous exercise.  However, with each passing Sunday as a day off from the exercise aspect of my routine, I feel that my day is somehow incomplete without it.  I know my body needs rest and it is good for me, but my mind keeps saying, "Karen, you should be doing more.  Much more.".

Perhaps this is due to the low self esteem I have had at times regarding my endeavors.  Or the constant nagging reminder in the back of my mind that on day 67 I have only lost 20 lbs instead of my goal of 56 lbs I thought I would have lost by this point.  Or the realization that in less than 10 days, I will be off to Georgia to visit my family and friends with the all powering food temptations not available in Minnesota such as Chick-fil-AZaxby's and Long Horn Steak House.  How many more calories should I be actively be burning right now to be able to indulge a little then?

And as I think about my trip, my mind then flashes forward to the week when I return from Georgia.  What will I weigh?  What if I gain weight?  Then I will have back tracked on an already slow course.  And worst of all, what will people say?  Will they roll their eyes at the girl that set out to lose a 100 lbs in 118 days and think "I knew she couldn't do it"?  Or will they just flat out feel sorry for me because all I have done for the last two months for every waking hour of everyday is think about what I eat and how much I exercise and I have moved practically no where?

But before I let my mind spin anymore out of control that it already has, I remind myself about what I have done.  I have lost 20 lbs and 20 lbs isn't that bad.  I have adopted better eating habits and no longer crave sweets as I did before.  And I have not traveled to Georgia yet for my vacation.  So why worry about what I will face there for countless hours?  I have planned to exercise daily while I am there.  My parents have already agreed to get some of the items I will need to do my workouts together for me.  I also know that my mom wants me to succeed and will not feed me junk while I am there.  My friend, Missy, whom I will also visit while in Georgia, has even asked me if what she is making for dinner on the night I see her is "acceptable" because she is a great friend and wants me to be successful as well.  I have done the best I can do to prepare to have a trip free of bad eating and no exercise.  All I can do now is just apply my plan when I go.

So now that I have reeled myself back in to better thinking, I look toward this next week expecting much success.  On the docket tomorrow will be crossfit at 6 a.m. and the kickboxing tomorrow evening with a lot of good eating choices in the middle.  I also probably won't have a lot of time for any negative thinking tomorrow as I am watching my friends three children for the bulk of the day tomorrow along with my four children and then two more children tomorrow afternoon for another friend.  But if I do catch a brief moment to myself, I will do my best to remind myself, "If I don't quit, I win".  After all, I am a champion.

Romans 8:37 (New International Version) - No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Fifty - 52 days left

As the words "epic" and "surreal" are probably the most overused words among Americans these days, "this was the hardest workout ever" is the most overused statement in my blog.  However, today people, it REALLY was the HARDEST WORKOUT EVER!!!!  What was the awful WOD (workout of the day) I am referring to?

  • 400 meters on rowing machine
  • 50 Burpees
  • 50 Push Press
  • 50 Pull-ups
  • 50 Wall Balls
  • 50 Mountain Climbers
  • 50 Sit-ups
  • 50 Ball Slams
  • 400 meters on rowing machine
And I am not kidding when I say, I might have left something out because the list was so very long.  I have never done 50 of any of these in a row and the only thing that was old hat to me was the 400 meters on the rowing machine.  Fortunately, my partner today was a 17 year old boy, so we didn't finish last and made it through in about 41 minutes.

Since I began crossfit almost seven weeks ago, NEVER have I contemplated totally quitting a workout.  Especially, not quitting the workout on the second round of the WOD.  Yet today as I embarked on the 50 burpees listed on the whiteboard, I literally felt myself start to choke up because I felt I was never going to get this workout done.  My partner finished his 50 burpees in about two minutes.  It took me more along the lines of about six to seven minutes to complete mine.  While my partner did his sets, I would rest and when I did my sets he would rest, alternating each round.  This is a nice theory if partners are evenly matched.  However, on most every round my partner was done in about half the time I was, which means a lot of rest for him and little rest for me.  I don't think I got my breathing back to its normal rate until about four hours after the workout was over.

However, I did it.  I didn't give up.  I didn't let my mind or my emotions get the best of me.  I just sucked it up, kept my big girl britches on and did it.  And now that I have done it, I am quite confident that I can do most any other WOD that is thrown my way.  I also got close to that 2 minute marker again on the rowing machine with the last round time being 2:03, tying my best time so far.  I just know that I am going to break that 2 minute mark next week!

So tomorrow, more than any other Sunday that has come before, I will enjoy my day of rest.  No workouts for me.  Just rest.  Then my last full week of workouts begins before I am off to GA for a little over a week.  I  certainly won't be the skinniest girl on the plane when I go, but I might very well be the strongest!  Believe me, if I can do it friends, you can too!!!

Philippians 4:13 (The Message) - Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. 

Friday, July 22, 2011

Rowing, Parks & Swimsuits - 53 days left

This morning at my 6 a.m. crossfit workout, I was determined to beat the two minute marker on the rowing machine for 400 meters after finishing our WOD (workout of the day).  First attempt was three seconds more than yesterdays worst time, which was a little disheartening.  The second attempt was one second behind my best time yesterday at 2:04.  My trainer reminded me that my body is more tired out today than yesterday, so I didn't need to be discouraged.  He said that I could just try again next Wednesday, when I wasn't so very worn out to beat that time. So next Wednesday is my goal to beat it.  I will let you know how I do.

What I did do superbly on today was getting together with my HomeMakers small group from church at North Mississippi Regional State Park in Minneapolis.  So what is the big, honkin' deal you might ask?  It is just taking the kids to a park for a few hours after all.  It couldn't be THAT much of a challenge no matter how many children you have Karen.

Well my friends, let me tell you.  Over the last five years, I have visited that park on five different occasions.  Four times have been with my children and I alone to meet up with my friends with no help from my husband.  In the past when I have gone there to meet up with my friends, I have literally dreaded the day arriving for a minimum of a week in advance.  My poor health, due to bad eating and NO exercise, made going to an event like this very taxing.  I would do it because my children love it.  However, for me, it was not something I have enjoyed.

Today as I got ready with our lunches and packing extra clothes and towels that small children require, for the first time ever I didn't get totally stressed out.  There was no yelling about hurrying up to get out the door.  Both of my boys, who are eight and five, were more than happy to help with carrying the loaded backpacks and drink bag to the car.  When we arrived at the park, things also went really easy.  I wasn't tired out from just the short walk from the car to the wading pool as before.  I enjoyed conversations with my friends and was not winded when talking to them.  As we had our picnic lunch, I wasn't completely worn out by then as in times past and was able to continue to take pleasure in my day.  When it was time to leave, I still had energy even though my tired out three year old cried all the way to the car.  What a difference in this experience than all of times I have gone there before!!  And this was only with a weight loss of 20 lbs so far.

I was imaging what it would be like for me next year when I have made my goal weight.  I would get to wear a cute swimsuit like my friend, Michelle, and actually get in the wading pool and play with my kids.  Or get to wear some cut-off jean shorts and a halter top like my friend, Daphne, which would have been so much cooler than my capri's and short sleeve shirt on a hot day like today.  Yes, I will still be pale, white from my skins lack of tanning ability, but I will thin and attractive.  Plus, I am sure I will have even more energy to be an even better mom to my children.

I haven't come anywhere close to the weight loss I thought I would have achieved by this point in my journey.  I imagined I would have been at about the 50 lb mark by now for sure.  However, my life is already so much more enjoyable than where I was just a short time ago, it keeps me going in this new direction of good health and fitness.

Psalm 20:5 (New Living Translation) - May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory and raise a victory banner in the name of our God.  May the Lord answer all your prayers.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Little Accomplishments - 54 days left

As I carried my one year old daughter up the stairs in my house this evening, I thought about how, just eight weeks ago, this was the additional weight on me and how very heavy it was.  Just as one of my fellow crossfitters said to me yesterday when I was contemplating putting a 20 lb plate on my back to do push-ups that, I "didn't lose all 20 lbs from my back", I realize that I didn't lose all 20 lbs from my front either.  I guess that is why when the Biggest Loser television show does the episode every other season or so that shows the contestants adding their weight back on from when they first started, they distribute it evenly over their bodies.  However, I am glad that I have a clear reminder of how much weight I have lost everyday even if it is not proportionate, so I can further ingrain in my mind that I will NEVER go back to weighing 309 lbs.

If I could somehow give a visual of how much stronger I feel based on my outside appearance, let me assure you it would be much greater than a 20 lb weight loss and I would be two sizes smaller.  I am amazed at how much more energy I have each day.  I am no longer getting winded when I speak to people.  I don't get tired out from picking up the 14,000 things my children seem to drop on the floor in a 24 hour period.  I am walking up and down my stair much faster.  I find that I am more diligent with my daily task and because of that, I complete more throughout my day.

I can also notice a huge difference in how I perform at crossfit.  As I mentioned last week, I can now do regular sit-ups with assistance from a bungee cord in order to get the full range of motion instead on just doing a crunch.  Prior to today, my best time on the rowing machine had been 2:13 to go 400 meters.  I was determined to get below the 2 minute mark as I completed my workout this afternoon.  Even though I didn't make it, I did get a much better time:  2:05 on the first round and 2:03 on the second.  Little accomplishments like these make me feel so good on this road to better health.

In a little under two weeks from now, I will be making a trip to Georgia with my girls to visit my family.  My hope is that I can continue these little accomplishment going even while I am there.  It will be a little different because I won't be attending my crossfit classes daily.  I also won't have the same meal plan as I have now as I will be eating with my family and also going out with friends.  However, I have already started planning what I can do while I am there to stay the course and continue to being healthier overall.  And considering the only summer clothes I have right now that fit me, other than one pair of capri pants, are my workout clothes, I won't have to worry about over packing to include exercise when I go.

My biggest temptation with be Chick-fil-a.  I know they have healthy stuff, so you don't need to write me a letter.  However, when you haven't had Chick-fil-a in over 6 months and you are used to the fried selections and peach milkshakes, the healthy selections don't automatically come to mind as items of choice.  I am not sure yet if I will just have to compromise on this or skip going to Chick-fil-a all together.  Currently, I don't see the latter as an option.

So as the count stands today, 20 lbs down.  Eighty more to go to complete my first large goal.  Two more crossfit classes before the week's end.  If you want to donate for the "Fight Gone Bad 6" challenge I am taking part in on September 17, please see July 20 post for information.  And as always, buying me a smoothie helps fund my journey.  Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement!!!   It has kept me going!!!

1 Thessalonians 5:11 (New American Standard Bible) - Therefore encourage one another and  build up one another, just as you also are doing.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

I Have Lost the Weight of My Baby - 55 days left

Well folks, when I got on the scale this morning, I was very HAPPY to see a weight loss this week of five pounds.  Woo Hoo!!!!  FINALLY!!!  I must say that I would have been happy at this point to just see a loss of more than one pound.  However, five was fantastic.  That brings my total weight loss to 20 lbs, which happens to be how much my one year old currently weighs.  So I guess I could say, "I have lost my baby!!".  Now if I need a reminder of exactly what I have lost, I can just pick her up.

After the scale, it was off to crossfit as usual.  After doing three rounds of 50 squats holding a 45 lb bar with 400 meters on the rowing machine between each set, I can pretty much say, "I am squatted out".  I am hoping that in my kickboxing class tonight will not include those.  Yet whatever lies in store for me there, I know that there will be much sweating since it is currently 97 degrees in Minneapolis.

A few weeks ago I had mentioned a "new challenge" that I had learned about that I was going to do in addition to running the 5K with my friend, Julie.  More details have come out about it now, so I wanted to take some time to talk about it tonight.  Even though it is still about seven weeks away, it is never too early to start getting ready.

The crossfit challenge is called "Fight Gone Bad 6".  It is 17 minutes long and one of crossfit’s most grueling workouts.  This challenge will take place on Saturday, September 17 and will be in support of the Special Operations Warrior Foundation!  The Special Operations Warrior Foundation provides full scholarship grants, education and family counseling to the surviving children of military special operations personnel who gave their lives in operational or training missions.  Special Operations Warrior Foundation  also supplies immediate financial assistance to the severely wounded special operations personnel and their families. The sacrifices made by the men and woman of Special Ops often go unnoticed due to the nature of their business.  I have placed a link below of a testimonial regarding this foundation.

If you would like me to support me in the challenge with proceeds going to the Special Operations Warrior Foundation, please make checks out to: CrossFit TC.  You can mail the check directly to me to add to my donation sheet at: PO Box 1701, Maple Grove, MN 55311.  I know this will be a huge challenge for me, but I know that I can achieve it, plus I get to support our military families at the same time.  Thank you for consideration in supporting this great event!

Fight Gone Bad 6 - CrossFit Challenge

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Correction - 56 days left

Yesterday at crossfit, we spent a good deal of time working on our form for push-ups and then did what seemed to be about 1000 of them before the day was out.  Today it was squats.  Believe it or not, push-ups are actually easier for me, so I wasn't thrilled when I was being "corrected" on my form.  I know it is all done to help me complete a squat in the perfect way.  However, some things are still impossible for me at this point, like squeezing my gluts and hamstrings when I am in the squatting position.  Therefore, instructional sessions can become frustrating at times for me because I am not yet in as good as shape as someone like Jillian Michaels.  Yet I endured it all and did actually improve my squat somewhat before we were done with the short tutorial.  And afterwards, I went on to lift my best weight so far on a press.

"Correction".  The very word makes me cringe.  I hate hearing it.  And even if I come to find the person correcting me is "correct", I still seem to have problems accepting it at times.  I would be sure that some would even correct that statement and say I have problems accepting correction ALL the time.

I thought about why that is.  Why do I have such a problem with receiving correction even if it will help me to be better?  The only answer that I could come to is  - Pride.  Yes folks, believe it or not even though I am an overweight, mom of four and have been embarrassed countless times throughout my life due to my obesity, I still have pride.  And the area that I have pride in the most is in the area of correction.

How could anyone possibly know more than I do?  I am Karen True after all.  And since you haven't personally walked in my shoes, how could you know what I need to do, much less have the nerve to suggest it?  My squat isn't low enough to the ground and I need to work on pushing further back than forward?  Well, I know you wouldn't even be asking me to do it better if you had more than 100 lbs of extra weigh hanging off you buddy.  I should be happy that I have gained muscle over the past few weeks?  Not once have I EVER heard anyone say, "Oh, she is soooo attractive with those BIG muscles".  And yet, all of the above phrases are constructive and helpful to keep me moving forward toward a better life.  They are criticism surrounded by encouragement of "You can do this better Karen".

I am NOT, however, talking about phrases like: "You have such pretty face.  If you lost weight, you would be so very beautiful."  Or after waking up at 5 a.m. to make it to a job or workout with no makeup and hair pulled back in a ponytail, "Oh, I guess you just gave up on the whole makeup and fixing your hair thing.".  Or an alleged "friend" sits you down and says, "I have seen a change in you over the last several months and I can't quite name what it is, but until YOU figure it out, I can no longer be around you.".  These are not words of correction that help anyone become better or feel better other than perhaps the person saying them trying to cut you down to size.

Over the past two months, I have received many words or correction and the majority were of the former examples.  Helpful and not condescending or mean.  And to all of you who have said those words, "Thank you", even though I might not have been to happy to hear them at the exact moment I read or heard them.  I know I am becoming a better person due to constructive criticism.  I am doing my best to take the correction and apply it.  Friends like you have made a difference in my life!!!  And because of great correction, I will now complete a better squat, feel better about having stronger muscles and hang in there to keep going in the right direction.

And finally, I want to thank everyone who has "Bought Me a Smoothie" so far.  This is helping me to fund a lot of my journey and I truly appreciate your support!!

Proverbs 17:17 (The Message) - Friends love through all kinds of weather, and families stick together in all kinds of trouble.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Doldrums No More - 57 days left

It is official.  I am becoming addicted to exercise.  I realize that I have had my fair share of low days lately.  However, once I finally get myself to my crossfit or kickboxing class and complete it, there is a LITTLE bit of euphoria there.  Not boat loads of euphoria, but enough to notice a change in how I feel overall.  And this has been true of every workout until today.

I must tell you that this morning 6 a.m. crossfit workout was a very slow start for me.  I felt like I wasn't fully awake and that every movement I did was in slow motion.  Even the counter on the rowing machine showed me about 20 to 30 seconds behind my pace from last Thursday.  A few times I even wondered if what I was doing was even effective.  I don't remember feeling like that since I started crossfit.  Perhaps it was that I ate something different or didn't acquire enough sleep last night.  Either way, something was way off.

Due to my rather lethargic workout this morning, I considered throwing in the towel for tonight's kickboxing class.  Did I mention that it was also over 100 degrees today in Minneapolis, which is odd for us even in the summer?  Yet I decided that I have committed myself to the two extra kickboxing classes per week and I needed to hang in there even if I was slow going and it was as hot as south Georgia.

This turned out to be the best decision of my day.  I love going to this class so much because it is a fresh approach to working out and challenging.  Like crossfit, it is different every time, so mundane and boring are never thoughts that crosses my mind.  After about 200 kicks, countless punches, and many, many push-ups, guess what came back around to finish off the workout?  Sit-ups.  This time based on how we were partnered, I couldn't use my bungee cord to help me lift as I learned to do last week.  It was ALL me.  I actually think that I did pretty good.  It was only for a minute, which means I probably did 20 at best.  I didn't have the full range of motion either that I had on Saturday.  However, it was still great improvement from where I have been.  And that made me feel great!

This week I am focusing on pulling my attitude out of the doldrums.  I have been parked there for about a week now and I think it is time to shift gears.  Unfortunately, that is easier said than done.  Yet being aware of the problem is suppose to be the first step to recovery.  Remind me to come back and read this on Wednesday if I have another terrible weigh in.  So with a very sore body, tired body this evening, I will say goodnight for now and a better attitude on the horizon.

2 Peter 1:5-7 (New American Standard Bible) Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Perseverance - 58 days left

In George W. Bush's book, Decision Points, his first chapter called "Quitting" discusses his battle with alcoholism and how he came to the decision to change permanently.  He took his bad behavior and changed his habits into something good.  Likewise, I have been doing my best to leave behind my bad behavior of poor eating and no physical activity and change it into a good behavior of a healthy lifestyle and exercise.

However, today, 8 1/2 weeks into my journey with 58 days of my challenge remaining, I find I am weary.  Perhaps I have reached this crossroads to either continue or quit as I am disappointed in the result I have obtained so far.  Another reason could be that when on other diet plans and exercise programs, eight to ten weeks in has been the length of my staying power before I totally give up.

Now before you start typing me your note saying "You don't need to quit this time Karen", let me assure you that I am not planning to.  However, I promised from the beginning of my blog that I would be as honest as possible with my entries.  Remember?  Not all smelly good stickers and smiley faces?  And so, as I write this evening, I am tired.  I am a little disheartened even after great success yesterday.  And I am already dreading my weigh in this week due to the poor numbers of the last two weeks.  I want to see and share better results.  While I have overcome many obstacles so far and achieved some small victories, I imagined myself further down the road to 100 lbs of weigh loss than where I currently sit at this moment.

In the movie, Julie & Julia, the main character Julie Powell (whose character is based on blogger and writer Julie Powell) has a similar conflict as she discusses with her husband, Eric, about having the ability to cook all of Julia Child's recipes from the book Mastering the Art of French Cooking.  As Julie is thinking about the 524 recipes she will have to challenge herself to cook over the next year and becomes slightly overwhelmed at the thought of taking the project on, her husband kindly and quietly reminds her that "Julia Child was not always Julia Child".  Meaning Julia Child was not always a teacher and publisher of fine french cooking.  Originally, she was a housewife that learned to cook for her husband.  And despite challenges and difficult people she encountered during her training and then later on to publish her cookbook, she persevered.

So for now, I think about having greater perseverance than in times past and getting through this somewhat sorry chapter in my weight loss journey.  I think about people who have made it through in the past like Julia Child to succeed at their own personal goals.  Yes, I am not happy.  But if I press through this rough spot and keep going, I will be better for it.  I will succeed if I persevere and don't quit.


– noun 1. steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state,etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

Romans 5:3-4 (New King James Version)

And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance;  and perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Don't Quit - 59 days left

Grueling, sixty five and tears.  What do all of these words have in common?  Each of them can be used to describe today's crossfit workout.

The grueling part of the workout was pretty much the entire thing.  The lady that teaches Saturday's class combines kickboxing and regular crossfit to makeup the workout.  Since I have added Saturday's class to my regimen, I believe it has consistently been the most challenging of the week.  Today's workout had more kicks, lifts and other moves, than I can begin to list.  After the last round of exercises, I laid on the floor for about two minutes to catch my breath.  When I stood up, a mark of sweat outlining my body remained.  I know that sounds gross.  However, it also shows how hard my body worked today.

My proudest moment of the day came when it was time for sit-ups, eighty of them to be exact.  I was teamed with my best workout partner ever, Catherine.  She would run the length of the mat and back.  While she rested, I would then do ten full sit-ups.  This would continue for eight rounds.  Today marked only the third day that I have even attempted a sit-up in more than 20 years.  Yet instead of thinking about it for while and dissecting whether or not I could do it, I just decided that I would do it.

If there ever was a time that I needed a great cheerleader encouraging to make it through, this was it.  And fortunately, Catherine was my answer.  Through the first five rounds when I reached the point that I didn't feel I could do it anymore, Catherine would shout, "Come on Karen!  Only four/three/two more!  You've got this!".  At round six, the instructor told me to drop the sit-up count back to five.  And at the end of round eight, Karen True had completed sixty five sit-ups.  I knew the reason that I had made it was because of having someone like Catherine on my side reminding me I could do it the whole way through.

When I got up off the mat, I was overwhelmed with such a great feeling of accomplishment that I started to cry.  I gave Catherine a hug to thank her for helping me.  I had shocked myself.  I never dreamed six weeks ago I would be able to do sixty five sit-ups at this point.  If I could have done anything afterwards, it would have been to go to a t-shirt designer and have a shirt made that said, "I did sixty five sit-ups today".  Yes, I was that proud of my achievement.

It is truly amazing that after having such a terrible day personally yesterday, today can turn out to be so very fantastic.  After wanting to do nothing but throw in the towel yesterday, today I am renewed and know that I will succeed.  Five weeks into crossfit and I am doing sixty five sit-ups.  How many more will I be able to do at ten weeks and fifteen weeks?  With each new challenge comes a new success.  I am well on my way to a healthy, skinny me.

Romans 12:11-12 (The Message) Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. 

Friday, July 15, 2011

Smelly Good Stickers - 60 days left

For tonight's post, I considered just writing "UUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!" and being done with it.  It has been one of those days that seems to get worse no matter how very difficult I try to keep a positive mindset and move forward.  As my one year old continues to scream at this hour despite what method of calming her down I try, I feel it is all I can do to write a sound thought on paper.

Everything started well this morning at my 6 a.m. workout, even though the circuit was rather staggering.  I did regular sit-ups today as part of my regimen and it made me feel good even though it was painful by the end.  Burpees were also back on the list today, but I didn't complain and just did them to the best of my ability.  As I left, the trainer made his usual joke of "see you back at noon Karen" since the crossfit gym seems to have become my second home over these past few weeks.  The remainder of my morning went rather smoothly as well.  And by 10:45 I was out the door to work at an event this afternoon.

As we all have experienced, at times when someone says something to you that is not what you are prepared to hear, it is similar to punch in the gut.  Well today, as I arrived at my event, I saw someone that I have not seen in about a month.  She knew that I was working on losing weight as we had discussed it the last time we were together.  Today she asked me if I was still working on my diet.  Perhaps this should not have been seen by me as some great tragedy that she had asked such a thing.  However, as the myriad of thoughts began to role into my mind once the comment was made, it was all down hill from there.

First I thought about how I must still look exactly the same as the last time she saw me.  Then I thought about how even though my jeans were much looser when I put them on today, I must just be fooling myself to think that 16 lbs is worth much compared to all that I still have to lose.  And as I continued down the road of despair, the thoughts became worse and worse.  Why am I doing this anyway?  I really don't want to be in pain anymore.  And eating healthy really is for the birds.  I couldn't be more tired of eating healthy if I tried.  I know that I will never reach a healthy weight no matter how determined I am, so why even bother with it all anymore?  I was totally defeated, worse than I have ever been in the last six weeks of my journey.

When I told my husband of today's events and the many thoughts that I had, he reminded me that the lady has only met me one time.  Furthermore, she most likely didn't study my body that much on the first occasion that we met and probably remembered more of our conversation than the state of my physique.  The more I listened, the more I realized he was right.  Of course, this was after I had beat myself into the ground for the last four hours.  So besides the mental anguish that I put myself through, it was also rather taxing on my emotions and I now feel physically wore out.

So I guess this post will go down as one of those like my friend Barbara calls, "not all smelly good stickers and happy faces".  I want to succeed, but I also want greater results.  I want to be thin and healthy, but I want in the speed of light kind of way.  Wouldn't it be nice if life was like Star Trek and I could just tell Scotty to beam all of weight off of me?  Last crossfit class for the week tomorrow.  It will be kickboxing and it will be brutal.

Isaiah 40:31 (New American Standard Bible) - Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Happiness Equals Sit-ups - 61 days left

A full sit-up.  I was able to do one today for the first time since I was about eleven years old.  And as silly as it may sound, I truly believe it was one of my most accomplished moments.  Granted, I did have some assistance from the resistance band that the instructor had looped over the pull-up bar to help me.  However, now when the rest of the class is doing sit-ups, I will be right there with them instead of substituting crunches every time.  Perhaps this is a little extreme to be excited about.  However, it is nice when the playing field starts to level off somewhat.

Another nice surprise about crossfit is how very supportive everyone has been.  It is nice to be seen as someone who is hardworking and determined, instead of the fat girl who is just lazy and weak as most everyone else in the world treats people like me.  I had honestly expected the same from this group when I first started.  To be seen as the overweight, thirty something girl who had interrupted the flow of the class and was sure to slow someone down if placed in a group challenge.

However, I have experienced the direct opposite.  Everyone who I have been in a class with on a consistent basis always has something nice to say about my progress.  Some have gone further offering advice of how I might do something better or what they have learned over time.  When I have had a slow weight loss week or a gain like this week, never just a shrug saying "Too bad", but rather "Well, I can see a big change, so keep going".  One of the guys today said, "I have never seen you have a bad day".  I said, "thank you" even though I was thinking, "that is because you aren't in here on some of my bad weigh days buddy".  I wonder if I had known that people could be genuinely kind and supportive and I could experience that in a gym setting of all places, how much faster I would have gotten up, shook off the dust and put myself in motion toward a healthier way of life?

So here I am on day 59, losing only 16 pounds so far.  To be on track total weight loss should be above 50 pounds.  Yet, I am fine with the 16 pounds.  It is 16 pounds more than I would have lost if I would have done nothing.  I cannot begin to describe how much stronger I am now compared to day one.  I am also quite sure that I didn't even feel this good physically 15 years ago.  And for the first time in an extremely long time, despite weighing in at 294 lbs, I finally feel happy about being me.

Philippians 4:11 (New International Version) - I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

How Dare They?!?! - 62 days left

The Biggest Loser has been on my list of shows to watch for the past several years.  Each season viewers watch with anticipation each week to see how well the contestants have fared from all the hard work put in the week before.  And at the end of the season, the moment that is talked about the most among water coolers around the United States, is the episode where that one winner with the highest percentage of weight loss for the entire season taking home the cash prize.

Another moment that is discussed, but not publicized too often is the moments on the Biggest Loser where some contestants have their most difficult week.  The week one of them will step on the scale, listen to it beep and flash random numbers, and then reveal zero weight loss.  At times it is even worse, when instead of just zero weight loss, the scale reflects a one pound gain, two pound gain or more.  After the devastating look of the contestant is caught on camera for the world to see, producers then put the camera on the trainers, Bob and Jillian to gauge their reaction.  Nine times out of ten, Bob and Jillian will drop their jaws in horror and then grab their head or stomach in agony followed by a very long discussion of "How did this happen?".

When I have watched those not so fun moments for many of the contestants while munching on my chips or evening's popcorn, many times I too have thought, "How on earth did they manage to gain weight?  They are on the Biggest Loser for heaven sake!  How is it even humanly possible to gain weight when you are at a place like that?  Aren't these people eating healthy?  Aren't they exercising no less than two times a day?  What is their problem?  How dare they not lose weight when they have such a great opportunity staring them in the face?!?!?".

As I stood on my scale this morning and read the number showing a TWO pound weight gain, the best thing I have to say about it was, I was not on national television having to air my devastation.  Nor were their audible gasps or visual images of disgust from my trainers.  Fortunately, there were no tears either at home or at the gym.  Only the constant nagging thought in my head of, "How on earth did I let this happen?  What misstep did I make that could have possibly made me GAIN weight after a total of eight different workout classes this last week and thinking about every bite of food that entered my mouth?"  And the answer screaming back at me even now is, "I have no idea".

By the end of my crossfit workout this morning and the sharing of my revulsion with my trainer minus the crying this time, I decided to walk out the gym and do something that I have not done at anytime thus far after a weigh in.  I decided to get over it and not let the damage of the weight gain ruin my entire day.  Yes, I despise the number.  In fact, I HATE it.  And what makes it so hard to deal with is that I don't know why it happened.

Yet since I know I cannot go back in time and relive last week to change the number, I made the decision to keep moving forward this week.  I gave my all to the workout this morning instead of taking it a little easy knowing that kickboxing is coming up tonight.  And tonight, when I am at kickboxing, I plan on giving my all again.  I also continued to eat good today even thought I REALLY didn't want too.  I have said several times in this last week that every moment counts and every decision matters.  I refuse to let two little pounds rule me.  Instead, I will take charge of myself and keep moving forward because one day I WILL reach my goal.

Galatians 6:9 (The Message) - So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Ponytail Girl - 63 days left

After my kickboxing class last night, I wasn't sure how my body was going to react today to the mere thought of attending crossfit.  However, after a wonderful night's rest, I was up and ready this morning without a problem.  Of course, there was some soreness in my muscles.  Yet I have just concluded that discomfort and the old adage "no pain, no gain" is the way of life for the time being.

When I arrive at each workout class, I never know who my company will be for that day.  However, on the days that Ponytail Girl is there with me, I look at what she does as a goal to achieve in the future and then cut that number of reps or time in half as a goal for me to achieve today.  After all, she is always one of the top performers and keeps a good attitude no matter how daunting the task.

To begin our workout today, we were all to lift our max weight in a squat to push press.  I decided that I would do my best to be within 10 lbs of Ponytail Girl's max weight.  We actually began working together.  When I was at my max, she then went to another bar and was able to lift 15 lbs more than what I was doing.  I considered trying to add more weight to my bar.  Yet on the second lift of max weight for me, I maneuvered myself in such a deformed way to even lift the bar, I decided that would not be a wise choice.  Fortunately, on the remaining lifts, I was able to keep my form good and not have to decrease the amount of weight I was using.

Then came time for our circuit for the day.  Sounds easy, but it was about the farthest point from easy there could be.  Ten burpees followed by ten situps was the name of the game decreasing each round by one until I reached zero (ie. 10 reps, 9 reps, 8 reps, etc.).  After all rounds were complete, the instructor would mark each individual time.

As some of you may remember, when I first started working out about seven weeks ago, getting up and down off the floor was an exercise in itself.  Still today, I cannot do a real pushup and have to revert to "girl"/knee push ups to get the job done.  I am also unable to do a full situp at this juncture and have to modify to crunches when situps are listed.  Therefore, burpees and situps are probably THE hardest combination of exercises I could be asked to do.  And even though I really wanted to ask for a modification today, I decided to just get over it and do the rounds as best I could.  The end time result was: 8:16 for Ponytail Girl and 13:57 for me.

After we were done, Ponytail Girl and I were talking and she said - "Several years ago my dad and uncle planned to run a marathon together.  My dad had trained hard to complete the marathon.  However, my uncle had very little preparation.  On the day of the marathon, my dad finished in a little over three hours.  My uncle finished in about five and a half hours.  My uncle told my dad that anyone can run for three hours, but it takes someone great to keep going for five and a half hours to get the job done."  Ponytail Girl told me that is what she thought about today as I was working so very hard to finish after everyone else was done.  Anyone could be like the men, she said, and do burpees and situps for five minutes or like her and do them for eight minutes, but it took so much more work for me to finish in almost fourteen minutes and not give up.  And she thought that was really great.

I almost cried after she told me that.  What a great compliment!!  The girl whose ponytail I wanted to yank just a few weeks ago due to being so very peppy about running and feeling like she had not clue whatsoever what it was like for me to exercise, was aware of the great challenges I face each day.  Who knew Ponytail Girl would end up being one of my best cheerleaders?

James 1:19 (New American Standard Bible) - This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger;

Monday, July 11, 2011

Second Place - 64 days left

I believe one of my favorite movies of all time is Top Gun.  Throughout the movie the main character, Maverick, copes with overcoming adversity in order to succeed and be the best fighter pilot in his Top Gun class.  In one of the most memorable lines of the movie another pilot, call sign "Ice Man", boldly reminds Maverick that "there are no points for second place".

I thought about coming in second place today at crossfit.  Only instead of coming in second place, I am very lucky if I am not the one coming in last place as was the case today.  And while I remember that I am somewhat the "underdog" when it comes to competing for number of reps in a set time or completing a circuit for time with my fellow crossfitters, it can still be discouraging at times to be the one coming in last most every time.

Then I remembered the good news.  While there are no points for second place in some arenas, when it comes to working out and living a healthy lifestyle my points count.  Every decision I make of each day matters.  Of course, I would LOVE to be perfect and be the best at everything I do.  And the competitive part of me will never stop striving for that.  Yet when it comes to my overall health, deciding to get up this morning at six when I really didn't feel like it matters.  Going back again tonight to kick boxing to stay with my commitment toward loosing weight is important.  Choosing to eat a salad instead of four slices of pizza like I used to makes a difference.  I don't have to be perfect to succeed.  All I have to do is make each decision throughout my day the very best that I can.

Perhaps you have heard of the Fly Lady.  She is a great teacher of household management for homemakers like myself.  The Fly Lady takes this same approach when taking on the sometime overwhelming chore of cleaning a house.  Her key point is that even if you don't clean everything perfectly or have everything in its perfect place, any task that you do complete is a blessing to your family and makes the overall atmosphere of the household better.

How liberating it is to approach good health in the same matter.  The overwhelming task, in my case, of working to lose 150 lbs doesn't have to be done perfectly.  Yet everything I do complete along the way is a blessing not only to myself, but to my family.  Hard work and good choices will help me to arrive faster.  However, even if  it takes me a while to make my goal,  the points I am getting along the way do count.  Thank you Lord for giving me points even when I am in second place!!

Jude 1:2 (The Message) - Relax, everything's going to be all right; rest, everything's coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Simply Salad - 65 days left

Late this afternoon I was able to do something with my husband that we have not been able to do for a very long time.  What was this monumental occasion?  We were able to go out and eat at a restaurant with NO children.  How wonderful it was to have adult conversation and not have to say reminders like: please don't put your head on the plate, don't blow bubbles through your straw, get up off the floor, don't lean back in your chair, stop touching each other, etc.  Just nice conversation with no interruptions.

As I opened my menu and looked at all of the selections, it was a far different approach from that of the past.  Yes, I have tried to make "wise" menu decisions in the past and stay away from the 5000 calorie dish.  Yet at those times it has been with great loathing and remorse once the item is ordered.  And after receiving my low calorie meal, I usually end up eating half of my husband's meal of choice, which defeats the purpose of choosing healthy to begin with.

When I chose my salmon salad with dressing on the side, it wasn't a huge deal for me this evening.  Even when I read about all of the wonderful sounding pizzas I could choose from, they really didn't appeal to me as they would have in the past.  Pasta is another favorite that wasn't constantly calling my name either as I glanced through the menu.  And for the first time EVER, I forgot to look at the desert menu before I ordered my meal.

Finally, for the final five star moment of the night, when my meal arrived, I enjoyed eating it.  No buyer's remorse.  No looking at my husbands plate and other peoples selection at other tables wishing I was having there dish.  Just simple enjoyment of the healthy meal I had chosen.

I used to believe that choosing something healthy was such bondage for the person who had to do so.  However, I found tonight that choosing something like a salad and not longing for something else with 12 lbs of cheese or enough butter to stop your heart was actually very freeing.  There was no remorse for the choice.  No longing for something else throughout.  And no regret for skipping desert.  It was just simply salad and it was great!!

Accept everything about yourself - I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end - no apologies, no regrets. - Henry Kissinger

Saturday, July 9, 2011

My Biscuits are Burning - 66 days left

My biscuits are burning!!!  If you are familiar with Bugs Bunny, you will know about Yosemite Sam and his line, "My biscuits are burning!".  Granted, Yosemite Sam's biscuits were burning because he had just landed on a fire and burnt them.  Yet today, I experienced the same feeling all day thanks to a wonderful little thing I do called crossfit.

I know I have used this phrase at least two other times before.  However, today truly was THE HARDEST WORKOUT EVER!!!!!  I would tell you exactly what the workout entailed, but I was so very traumatized by it, I honestly cannot remember all that I did.  All I can tell you is that it was a mix between a traditional crossfit workout and kick boxing.  There was a lot of punching and kicking the punching bag along with box jumps, bar presses and ball cleans.  The total workout lasted for over an hour and I still feel it now at 7:45 this evening.

Still past all of the sweat and sore muscles, I absolutely love the strength that I am experiencing outside of crossfit.  The church we attend has three Sunday morning services one of which occurs on Saturday night.  For many years, that has been the time we go.  This evening my husband and I were assigned to work the information counter.  This means we have to arrive about 20 minutes before our children's classes are open.  It also means that I am the one dropping off all four of the children since my husband and I are also leaders for the night's service.

As I dropped off my three year old this evening, she decided in her own little three year old way that she would just rather not go to her class.  She grabbed hold of the stroller with the grip of death and screamed bloody murder when she realized it was her turn to enter the classroom.  As most mom's know, if you just drop your child off and walk away, they will be over it in about two minutes.  The scene is only a tool the child uses to get his/her way.  Yes, they know this when they are as young as three, in fact, much younger.  As my daughter began to cry this evening, I very kindly reminded her that it was time for her to go to class and that was what was going to happen now with still no relenting on her end.  So I loosened her grip from the stroller, picked her up and carried her into the class handing her off to the teacher.  God bless the teacher!!  A minute later after dropping off my five year old across the hall, my daughter had stopped her crying and moved on.

Guess what?  I was able to move on too.  It was so much easier than in times past.  No deep breathing.  No strained body parts from having to lift her.  Nothing.  Physically it was as the situation had never even happened.  Even after standing an additional 20 minutes at the information counter and then standing through all of the praise and worship in the service, I didn't feel completely spent.  What a great feeling!!!  My new found strength is shining through.

I realize this entire description of my day might sound rather far fetched and exaggerated to some.  However, let me assure you that it is not.  Having to lift children, walk all over the church to get to their assigned classrooms, and then standing for more than 10 minutes at a time has really bothered me physically in the past.  In fact, it has worn me out to the point I can't even enjoy going because I dread so much all of the physical exertion it requires of me.  Tonight was a great personal battle won for me.  I know there are MANY more like this to come!!!

Victory is won not in miles but in inches.  Win a little now, hold your ground, and later, win a little more. - Louis L'Amour