If yesterday could be equated to a mountain of anticipation and success, then today would have been the valley of negativity and failure. I know if this was Hollywood, my script would have been written and performed differently. My first thought as I got out of bed this would not have been "What have done?" and my second thought would not have been "What if I fail?". Or think about all of the very nice things people encouraged me with yesterday and how much everyone believed in me and now I was struggling to believe in myself. These thoughts would not have continue to nag me for the first half of my day and then later be accompanied by a migraine headache that still lingers with me this evening. I would not have been at the point of tears as I read The Biggest Lower: 30 Day Jumpstart and realized that they are asking me to make some pretty complex snacks and meals each day of their diet plan and I am doing good to make one meal each day that requires more than one ingredient. And as icing on the cake, I would not have been like the token grandma in my workout video that could only do the low impact portion of the routine tonight as I worked out. And even though I knew earlier on today before all of these event occurred that the decision had to be made to either quit on day two or suck it up and get my mind under control, it literally took me the majority of the day to get there.
I think getting my mind under control today was like trying to crank an older car on a very cold Minnesota day. It takes some time. Sometimes a very long time. And sometimes, it even takes a jump for another car to so. I would like to say that the first thing that came to mind to help start getting me moving in the right direction was a great Bible verse, but that would be me saying what I think most people would like me to say instead of being honest. Being a mother of four and having watch most every Disney movie ever made, my first thought was Mufasa saying "Remember who you are" to Simba in the Lion King. Which was really great, until my next thought was "I am the person who has gone on more diets than I can count and failed." My next thought (still not a verse) was what my sister's Broadcasting teacher used to have her class say on a regular basis, "I can. I will. I can. I will." And this did help because then my mind went to "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." "We've been made more than conquerors." "If God is for us, who can be against us?" And finally, after going through my day doing my very best and focusing on the truth, I believed in myself again and believed that I could accomplish what I had set out to do!
My hope is that I will not have this battle again tomorrow. That I will wake up ready to go. And fortunately, as I was reminded from another blog I follow called "FreshManna" this afternoon, even if I struggle again tomorrow or the next day or the day after that, I get up each day and start with a new plan of success to accomplish the goal that I have set before me. Lamentations 3:22-23, “Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” . I am so glad it is!!