It seems this past week that many of Arnold Schwarzenegger's big screen movies have made another round on the small screen. True Lies, made in 1994, was today's flavor of choice. In this movie, Mr. Schwarzenegger plays a top secret agent whose missions are rather dangerous. However, his wife, played by Jamie Lee Curtis, believes he is a computer salesman and that he is one of the most boring men on the face of the earth. Either due to midlife crisis or just sheer monotony in her own life, Ms. Curtis decides to set out on her own adventure to try and grasp hold of some excitement. Very quickly, Arnold Schwarzenegger learns of this and puts in place some encounters for her. Of course, by the end of the movie, many things have gone wrong placing the wife in danger and at last she finally learns the truth of who her husband really is.
As I thought about the deception in this movie today, I thought about how much of it mirrors my own life. No, I am not some secret spy. Hopefully, my husband doesn't think I am the most boring person on the face of the earth. The parallel comes in how I have viewed myself through out my life opposed to the person I really am. And the only person that I have fooled is myself. I have told myself each time I have gained weight over the last 12 years that it really hasn't been that much. When I have had to move up a size in jeans that it just must be the cut of that particular brand. As I have replaced eating a regular meal with chips it was justified as an even trade in calories. When I joined a woman's softball team while living in Georgia in 2004 and could no longer play well, I said it must be because I am now over 30. The first time I flew on a plane and filled out the seat far more than I remembered the last plane ride, of course that was due to the smaller seats on the smaller planes they were using these days and trying to cram more people per flight. Yet the truth of the matter was I was getting too big for my britches and instead of facing it head on, I denied it over and over again with lies to make me feel better about the bad choices I had made to get to that place.
Thankfully, the lies are now over. Gaining 8 lbs a year is not OK. Wearing a size 24 jean is not because of the cut of a particular brand. Eating empty calories like chips is not the same as eating a healthy meal or probably most any meal besides fast food for that matter. Playing softball poorly is not because I am over 30. And having to squeeze into an airplane seat and ask for the seatbelt extension when flying, is not because the plane or the seats have become smaller. All of these things are because of me! What I am most happy to say about moving past all of these lies and looking at the truth of the matter is that it is keeping me motivated daily. I am excited to make better eating choices. I am glad to go down to the basement each day and exercise. While I do those things, I think about what I will be able to accomplish in just a short time. When I lose 8 lbs, that will be losing a years worth of weight gain. The first time I play softball again and not suck at it (sorry mom) will be so joyous. When I get to fly to Atlanta comfortably to visit my family how much more relaxing that will be. So while the truth right now is that I am very overweight, the truth for my tomorrow is I will be smaller than I am today!