I have dreaded posting all day today. Today was not upbeat or positive for me. Physically and emotionally I was in the gutter.
When I walked into the kitchen this morning, my loving husband was making Cinnabon Cinnamon Rolls for the kids. And instead of saying a simple "Thank you" because I didn't have to make anything for the kids, I yelled at him later on this afternoon about how he wasn't being very supportive of me to cook such a thing.
One of my closest friends posted on his facebook wall today that he had lost 4 lbs last week and 6 lbs this week with just minimal changes in his diet and only working out three times per week. The polite part of me clicked the "Like" button and thought "Good for him". The bratty part of me thought "That's just like a man to barely do anything and have good success at weight loss". It reminded me of that Hoodia commercial where the wife talks about both her and her husband giving up pop (ie. cokes) to drink and her husband turned out rail thin and she just went down three bra sizes.
I waited until the last possible moment this evening to do my workout videos and finally came to the conclusion that if I didn't do it then, it just wasn't going to happen today. And when I actually did the workout videos, I kept looking at the timer on the DVD player counting them minutes until I would be finished.
I did eat well today, but I WANTED something sweet so bad today and I am not even really a sweets person. I would rather sit and crunch to a bag of chips. I felt like everywhere I went, I even smelled sugar. It was always there nagging me to eat it over and over again.
Yet finally, the good news. I made it. I made it through another day of eating right (even though today I absolutely hated it) and working out (even though I would have rather sat on the couch and watched another television show). And I believe the reason I did make it today, when I would have just thrown in the towel in the past is because for a few brief moments here and there throughout the day, I thought about what I will be in the near future. I thought about the better mother I will be to my kids. The pair of Juicy sweatpants I will buy just for me that have the word "Juicy" across the bottom because I saw a pair one time in a Gilmore girls episode and it made me laugh so hard. Getting to wear my wedding ring again that I have not been able to wear now for over 5 years. Those mental pictures kept me going today when I didn't want to keep going. The reminders of a bright future that is just around the corner.