Disguises - 108 days left

I believe it was about two days ago when I posted that currently this had been more of an emotional battle for me than a physical battle.  Apparently, I must have let all of my emotions out because these past two days have been totally physical.  I have been sore.  I have wanted to eat whatever I wanted instead of what I needed.

This evening before I went to church, I failed to eat something, so I snacked on four peanut M&M's during the service from the small bag my husband was munching on.  I felt like it wasn't as tragic as it would have been if I would have snacked on a Snickers because after all they were peanut M&M's. However, no matter how you slice it, it was the wrong choice.  Still hungry, I ate probably 12 sugar free breath mints to make it through the remainder of the service.  When we sat, I practically fell into the chair.  When it was time to stand again, I didn't think I was going to be able to get up.  If anyone was looking at me and had also been reading my blog, most likely I didn't appear to be the girl that was "conquering all" this evening and I thought how wonderful it would have been if I could have one of those great disguises that they use in the Mission Impossible movies that look like real faces.

I can think of many other times too that Mission Impossible mask could have come in handy.  Working at Belk department store when I went to Georgia Southern and the best looking guy from my high school class comes walking into the Men's Department to shop.  The time I went to Longhorn Steak house while visiting my best friend in Georgia and saw one of the beautiful cheerleaders I went to high school with, still looking beautiful, while I stood there 100 lbs heavier than my high school weight.  The time I went to a funeral and ran into a friend of a guy I went out with a few times.  Even though I was married at the time, I still would have LOVED it if that guy could have called his friend and said "Remember Karen?  She looks hot!".  And perhaps it is terrible that I would even think that at a funeral or wishing that some guy other than my husband would have thought of me as hot, but that's just being real folks.

Yet this is real life and not Mission Impossible, even though it may feel like that at times, so masks are not something that is part of my wardrobe.  Although I might like to, I cannot hide myself from faces of the past or the here and now.  And even if I did have all of the masks, what good would it do?  It would only be a temporary solution to the overall problem.

So despite my set backs today, I keep moving forward with this better plan for my life that I have been implementing these past 11 days.  Jeremiah 29:11 (King James) - For I know the thoughts I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.  I will have my expected end!