If there was ever a day in the last four weeks I felt like quitting, this would be that day. When I stepped on the scale prior to heading out to my 6 AM workout, I was astounded and taken aback by what I saw. Total amount of weight loss for this past week ZERO!!!! In fact, I think I actually gained two ounces. Of course, me being the calm, quiet, reserved person that I am, burst into my bedroom and started yelling at my husband about my lack of results. I am sure that was exactly what he wanted to hear at 5:30 this morning. I put on my socks, grabbed my two bottles of water and slipped on my shoes before heading out the door crying all the way to the crossfit gym.
Obviously, there is no room for cry babies there, so I had to suck it up by the time I entered the front door. So badly I wanted to whine to someone about my hardship and how I was just drowning in my sorrows because of my short fall this week in weight loss. However, there is not time for personal conversation, just getting to work and that is what I did. I really wanted to be a slacker and just do the bare minimum when I was there, but then I remembered what I had written last night about not quitting and how this time was different, blah, blah, blah. Yes, I really said, "blah, blah, blah" mentally and even gave myself a good eye roll. The type of eye roll mom would be proud of.
Fortunately for me, my other workout partners are very encouraging and when they saw me dragging a little would say, "Come on Karen! You can do it! You're almost done!". When I grabbed the 15 lb bar as opposed to the 45 lb bar I was using yesterday, one of the older guys said, "I bet you can do better than that". I appreciated his encouragement, but did stay with the 15 lb bar. I am glad that I did because the first time we went through the circuit, I was one round shy of finishing. However, the second time we went through the circuit, I finished and I wasn't even the last person! I am ALWAYS that last person!!! I also did walking lunges today. That is something I have not been able to do since I was in college. So even though it was not a good start, there was victory in the workout today.
Still, my attitude battle was not over. When I got home around 7:20 my oldest son informed me that he had found the cookies my husband had bought while he was at the grocery store the other day. I didn't even know we had cookies!! And it was the deadly combination of not only chocolate chip cookies, but also Oreo's, which are the greatest non-bakery cookies ever made. And I did fine with that, until about 2:00 this afternoon when I let the kids have some. After they were done and went outside to play, I found a lingering Oreo lying there calling, "Karen. Karen. Karen!". I picked it up and put it in my mouth and started to chew. Then I remembered that I promised my friend, Pam, the other day I would call her if I was about to cheat by eating something bad. I walked as fast as I could to the trash can and spit it out. Temptation over. I didn't want to have to call my friend who has been so diligent in cheering me on and say, "I ate a cookie. Boo for me.". So even though that was not a good start either, accountability took over and I overcame my temptation.
Yes, I am still aggravated that I didn't even lose one pound this week. And even at this hour, it still bothers me on so many levels. But I promised myself that I would not quit this time even if there bad days and disappointments. So I will focus on this next week, doing the very best that I can everyday to work toward my goal and I will not give up. Try not. Do or do not. There is no try. - Yoda, Empire Strikes Back