As I awoke this morning, I laid in bed thinking about how much I would like to be thin and healthy, but didn't want to continue working out. About 20 minutes into the class today at CrossFit I thought about how I would just leave and go home if there was a large class in order to mask my departure. And as I drove home from the class thinking on my bad attitude, I realized that since I returned from my trip last week the fire that had burned so very deep to get the job done seems to have been depleted.
Where has my motivation gone? Why the change from a great attitude and really trying to be excellent to an attitude of wanting results with no hard work and determination to get the job done? After griping about aging last night, did I fall asleep to travel back in time to my teen years when I thought I deserved everything just because I was me? What has happened?
The answer - I don't know. I don't know why my mentality has shifted and why the fire that was burning now feels as though it has been put out. However, I do know that I have to keep going. And as many things in one's life, sometimes you have to do things that you just don't feel like doing.
On my way home today, I did pray that my attitude would improve. After all, the Bible does say in Isaiah 65:24 - Before they call out, I'll answer. Before they've finished speaking, I'll have heard. And while my attitude is still lacking some this evening, it has improved somewhat from the "I quit" attitude I awoke to this morning.
I know I won't stop what I have started. I will go to CrossFit again tomorrow and for the rest of the week. I will face "weigh day" with the mindset that no matter what the scale says I won't let it rule me. However, I promised to share my good and bad along the way and this has been one of the many bumps in the road I have faced in the last three months. Bare with me as I work through this latest challenge.
2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (New International Version)
8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
WOD (workout of the day)
30 wall balls
30 pull ups
30 kettle bell swings
30 box jumps
30 push press
30 push ups
30 overhead squats