Growing up I loved watching Little House on the Prairie. I can truly say it is one of my favorite television shows still today. Ironically, I now live outside of Minneapolis, MN near where the story is based. I remember one episode in particular that was rather heart wrenching called "For the Love of Nancy". A new kid comes to town named Elmer. He is very kindhearted, but overweight. In order to earn the love of one of the many characters named Nancy, Elmer decides to start trying to lose weight with the town doctor's help. He find success in losing weight after cutting back on how much he is eating and running to and from school each day. Excited about his weight loss he goes to tell his beloved Nancy the good news. Her response, "So. You are still fat.".
Over the last week, much of the time I have felt like Elmer must have when he is excited for what he has lost, but still disappointed because he is still overweight. I wish there was great fanfare and pomp and circumstance when it comes to what I have achieved. However, it feels as it is such small sliver in the grand scheme of things and no where near the mark I expected to be at this point.
As I have mentioned several times in the past several days, tomorrow I will be traveling to Georgia to visit with my family and also my best friends from college. As I have prepared for the trip, it has dawned on me that to my family I might look about the same as I did at Christmas because I believe I put on more weight after the holidays before I started my journey in May. I have also thought about when my friends have last seen me. Three of the four of them have not seen me in over five years, which means even with the 20 lb weight loss I still weigh about 20 lbs more right now than I did that last time I saw them.
I realize that my weight has no bearing on how my family or friends receive me. In fact, they are all excited that I am working to improve my health and lose all of the weight I have put on over the years. Yet I am disappointed to now know that when I seen them there will be little change or a change in the wrong direction and I wish it was different than that. I would so very much like it to get off the plane and meet up with my family and them say, "Wow! You have lost weight!". Or see my friends on Friday and them say something similar. However, I feel that my weight loss will be more of that like Elmer's was on Little House on the Prairie. No, I won't be greeted by someone rude like Nancy to remind me that I am still fat. But it won't be the Biggest Loser makeover moment either, when the contestant has lost 80 lbs and their family member is in shock and awe of the contestant's weight loss. Fortunately, my family and friends accept me the way I am. However, this week in particular, I wish there wasn't so much of Karen to love.
How great that the experience you wish was NOW is COMING!!! Without your dedication and commitment you would be cringing inside preparing for this trip instead of growing and glowing with pride and accomplishment. Don't underestimate how good that looks on you. Your path is unfolding and it is an awesome one! Evvvery step. :-)
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